all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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