you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
