I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
