I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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