Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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