My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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