I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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