lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
