My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
