She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
