you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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