We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
