I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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