Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
