I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
