it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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