I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Be still, my beating vagina.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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