I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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