I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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