Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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