if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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