I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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