who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Where is the hickey?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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