Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
