Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
How's work?
Spinning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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