Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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