i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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