My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
