I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
