I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
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then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize