This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
