I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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