Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
