why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
