Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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