Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
