I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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