My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
love makes seman taste better
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
