Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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