you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
