Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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