If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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