you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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