I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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