I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
