I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
