My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
