Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
