Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
