How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
