Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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