We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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