I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
