I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize