he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
