there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
