Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
