all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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