Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
