throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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