Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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