well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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