Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
