Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
