im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
