i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
