when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
