All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
