Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
