he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
In America we eat man semen.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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