He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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