Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
