i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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